Quixsa

2011-02-25T02:40:00.002-05:00

Hello Again Friends!
So this blog has been going through a bit of an identity crisis-granted mostly in my head (scratch the mostly and jot down entirely)- but for as much as I think about blogs (often), I haven't gone a' blogging in almost a year. The hiatus was unexpected and certainly not planned but every time I sat down to write, I suddenly would feel lost and without focus on what exactly the purpose of my entries would/should be. Plus I got a puppy and any free time was spent trying to contain the madness that is a 40-50 lb Australian/German Shepherd/Mutt/??

In conclusion I am back.
Postings will follow when it isn't almost 3am and I don't have to wake up in 3 hours.

2010-03-07T22:47:00.000-05:00

I'm engaged :-)

Lilies of the Field :-)

2010-02-20T12:20:00.003-05:00

Watched: Lilies of the Field, 1963.

I find Sidney Poitier inherently awe-inspiring. Every moment is a true, authentic reaction. His acting is joyous in a way that my generation rarely seeks to explore.

Plot? Essentially, through sheer pressure of personality, the Head Mother of a sect of German immigrant nuns convinces the main character, Homer, to stay and build a church for the impoverished patrons.

For a film released during the Civil Rights Movement, race is subtly dealt with in a respectful manner. Race is also used as a source of humor. One of my favorite scenes involves Homer (Poitier) teaching the German speaking Nuns what color a record is. "The-record-is-black...I-am-black" Homer explains carefully. "...I-am-black" the table of white nuns reply faithfully.

An under appreciated, remarkable film.

2010-02-18T09:27:00.006-05:00

A few wintery weeks back, I was tagged by the wonderful Trains and Sewing Machines
(I'm a huge fan of her and you should be too!)

7 Things You May Not Know About Me

1. Growing up, I always felt like I was torn between two groups of friends:

The Start Group

(Corey, Me, Cody, Al, Paul, and Martha circa 2004)

and

The Central Gang

(Molly, Beth, Sarah, and Me circa 2009)

Cody. Since he has been my best friend longer than anyone, I suppose he deserves a small ode:
I have been best friends since 2nd grade, so the history between us is really too much to recount but what matters is that he continues to be someone in my life who I can trust infinitely. He is the most hysterical, intelligent, and sarcastic person I have ever met. He's challenging and infuriating but amazing all the same.
The two groups were once the same (relatively) with Al, Martha, Molly, Sarah, Cody, and I all attending the same Jr. High.
Then High School came.
Cody, Al, and Martha went on to go to the public high school in town. Sarah, Molly, and I enrolled in a private school. This schism eventually lead to the addition of Beth and later Louis (Molly's boyfriend) into the Central group as well as the addition of Corey and Paul into the Start gang.

Throughout High School I often felt pulled into 2 directions because of how dearly I held both groups of best friends. With busy schedules, often events overlapped and I couldn't always find a way to attend both commitments. Obviously this lead to hurt feelings and lots of apologies. But in the end I was able to count all of those pictured above as my very, very best of friends. I consider myself to be pretty lucky for that.

2. When I was in 6th grade, I was selected to go to Dennison University for a Summer Camp for Girls called Camp Be Wise. The camp is essentially made up of advanced Math and Science classes. My academic performance in grade school actually allowed my school counselor to secure a full scholarship for me to go.

So yes, I went to a Math and Science Camp. And yes, I am that big of a nerd. Ironically, Math came to be the bane of my existence but I'm still pretty down with science.

3. I have watched all American Film Institute's Top 100 Films (both the 2008 and 1998 lists)
Summer of 2008 was filled with multiple films a night. While this seems like it would be a great dedication of time, it actually worked out rather well. During this time I was working as a Student Assistant for Graduate Student Housing on campus and also worked as an Office Assistant. For some reason, campus did not have enough Office Assistants to work all the buildings so I was able to get tons of 12 hour over night shifts.

4. I was stung by a bee on my first day of kindergarten.
My mom ended up being called in and as she was trying to put a band-aid on the ouchy, I started to tap my foot. When my mom questioned me, I retorted "ugh... Mom...I'm missing Clifford's Birthday Party!"

5. From the time I was 12(ish) until I was 18(ish), I worked at an independent bookstore called Thackeray's Books. Why was I able to work when I was only 12? Nepotism- my Mom worked there too. It closed when I was 18 because corporate book stores moved in :-(

R.I.P. Thackeray's

6. My Grandma was born in Halifax, Nova Scotia Canada!

7. I was a vegetarian for a number of years. I think about going back to that lifestyle from time to time.

:-)

"I'll Love Like Robert Taylor, Be My Greta Garbo."

2010-02-17T10:14:00.004-05:00

Camille 1936

AMAZING Film! Reminded me a great deal of Moulin Rouge/ La Boheme, though it is based off of the 1852 novel and play La Dame aux Camelias by Alexandre Dumas, fils.

I've never found Robert Taylor attractive before for one reason or another but his role as the loyal, true, and ever devoted Armend made it hard to ignore his charm. Armen

Noted as Garbo's favorite film, her performance is restrained yet delicate and subtle.
I simply cannot rave enough about what a must see this film is. I'm left without words to describe how wonderful it is. Go watch it for yourself! :-)

2010-02-15T01:13:00.007-05:00

Valentine's Day? Try a 4 Day Valentine-extravaganza!! Jon took Thursday and Friday off to give me what I wanted most for Valentine's Day: quality time together. With my visit to Toledo and his trip to Florida, we haven't exactly spent a ton of time with each other.

Wednesday: our first night of trying out the Sarah advised method of shopping: actually picking out recipes beforehand, planning out our meals for the week, and THEN go grocery shopping. Previously my method was more the "Oh this Baguette dish looks cool to make!...we don't have any of the ingredients? ...Well, Spaghetti it is then!" After spending a solid half hour trying to figure out what Kale looks like, 2 phone calls to Sarah, and 2 full hours running aisle to aisle, we finally left Kroger's around 11pm.

Thursday: there is nothing like waking up to the low hum of the heater instead of the alarm clock. Since it was Jon's first day off, he played Aion while I read/watched tv/played with kitties. Our plan for the day involved checking out a local fine jewelry shop and cooking. A few weeks ago, I found an ad for The Village Jewel in Alive magazine and thought it looked like it may provide competition for Grandeview Mercantile's collection of engagement rings. Their website featured "Toby- the Closer", a cat that selected his favorite pieces from the shop to showcase. I found another section where Toby explained the pros and cons of different metals/alloys. Amazing. Needles to say I was sold.

Walking in the door of The Village Jewel, we were greeted by the most welcoming, cheerful man I've encountered on our engagement ring adventures. His name was Mitch. We explained that we were just looking and explained that we were open to all different types of antique rings but preferred art deco. Gina, Mitch's wife, came out and organized the platinum, white gold, and palladium rings into one case. From the back of the black velvet rectangle came a blinding sparkle...
:-)

( Actually it looks entirely different in person)

The ring is palladium with a transitional cut and 32 side stones. Close to 2 carats. Made in the 1940's.

We met Toby, talked about theatre in Columbus, about pushy sellers, and the merits of buying a valuable antique ring, etc. There's nothing better than having an experience where you actually want to do business with good people.

Later we went to Eddie George's and met Ryan for dinner and to watch the Cav's vs. Magic. Ryan's friend Steve and Matt ended up showing up too. All in all a good night.

Friday: Went to dinner at a Japanese Steakhouse with Matt, Ryan, and Ted. The dinner was delicious but the service sucked.

Got home and watched the Opening Ceremonies for the Vancouver Olympics.

Oh...and Jon took a trip to The Village Jewel :-)

Now before any preliminary excitement starts. He has not proposed officially yet and it still needs to be resized but...

Saturday: By far one of the best days I've ever had and completely reaffirming. In the morning we stopped by The Village Jewel to get the ring resized.

My only request was to check out the Clintonville area. By the end of the day, I had fallen completely in love with the entire region: one independent, unique shop after another.
First we visited The Curiosity Shop. They offered reworking and repair on everything jewelery related as well as a large assortment of interesting necklaces. A good place to keep in mind for when I have the funds to get the 1940's watch from my Great Aunt Annie fixed.
Then we headed to two antique shops...both names escape me now of course. The first store offered amazing finds but the prices were a little redic. The other shop was super cheap but didn't necessarily have great quality items.
By that time we were pretty hungry so we stopped at this delightful, cheerful hipster restaurant called Cornerstone Deli and Cafe. One of those relaxed, non-pretentious finds that makes my heart happy. Turkey for me and Philly Steak for Jon.
Headed to Mad 4 Mod where Jon found a 3 piece light wool suit. After mentioning how we would have to get it tailored, the boss knocked off $30.00 !!!! Needless to say, they will become a staple on our shopping rounds.
Next we went to a bookstore that I've always wanted to check out called Areopagitica Books. Though light on fiction, I found plenty of poetry and nonfiction for staggeringly low prices.I ended up getting a book of Keating's poetry and selected letters. The best part is that the previous owner has countless penciled musings. Only $2.50
Our final stop was Rags O' Rama for their $1 sale. My finds: an emerald green banana republic blouse and Ralph Lauren Jeans (I hate jeans but somehow there are times where they are necessary...unfortunately ). Jon found a tweed jacket...it's pretty sweet.
Once home we made a Crostini dish with spinach, garlic, and white beans- sooo yummy!

Sunday:
Sleep. Get up. Watch Olympics. Nap. Play with cats. Make dinner.

Valentine's Day extravaganza!

Emolicious!

2010-02-05T18:15:00.003-05:00

Excuse me...got a case of the emo's.

"Save for a few of those late night episodes,
Missed opportunities, and "I Don't Cares,"
There's not a lot that I feel obliged to share or talk about.
...

This may sound bad, and don't take it the wrong way..
I love you, however,
You hold me down
...

You're the failed attempts I never could forget.
You're the metaphors I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love"

Obsessed with Rainer Maria Rilke at the moment...

2010-02-01T00:46:00.003-05:00

Cannot get enough of Rilke:

In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must I write?

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."

"We need, in love, to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily; we do not need to learn it."

"Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final"

"It seems to me that almost all our sadnesses are moments of tension, which we feel as paralysis because we no longer hear our astonished emotions living. Because we are alone with the unfamiliar presence that has entered us; because everything we trust and are used to is for a moment taken away from us; because we stand in the midst of a transition where we cannot remain standing. That is why the sadness passes: the new presence inside us, the presence that has been added, has entered our heart, has gone into its innermost chamber and is no longer even there, - is already in our bloodstream. And we don't know what it was. We could easily be made to believe that nothing happened, and yet we have changed, as a house that a guest has entered changes. We can't say who has come, perhaps we will never know, but many signs indicate that the future enters us in this way in order to be transformed in us, long before it happens. And that is why it is so important to be solitary and attentive when one is sad: because the seemingly uneventful and motionless moment when our future steps into us is so much closer to life than that other loud and accidental point of time when it happens to us as if from outside. The quieter we are, the more patient and open we are in our sadnesses, the more deeply and serenely the new presence can enter us, and the more we can make it our own, the more it becomes our fate."

"Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find these words"

"This is what the things can teach us: to fall, patiently to trust our heaviness. Even a bird has to do that before he can fly."

"So you mustn't be frightened... if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety - like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and everything you do. You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in the palm of its hand and will not let you fall."

2010-01-26T14:28:00.003-05:00

Watched:
"I thought we were invincible. But now I know that the things that people in love do to each other, they remember. And if they stay together, it's not because they forget. It's because they forgive."

Oh, Domestic Life

2010-01-25T05:33:00.010-05:00

Watched: I Love You Again (1940)

Charming film, though a bit contrived and slow at times. Really it's just that I seem to not be able to say no when it comes to Myrna Loy. Amnesiac Wilson, play by William Powell, turns from his money grubbing ways and "coos" his way back into the heart of his neglected wife. Cute and light.

Finished Reading:

by these two most delightful men:

Fascinating read. A bit redundant since I've watched...well...every episode of their Syfy Ghost Hunters television series. The first portion centered on how TAPS was built and cases investigated before the series. The later part of the book was centered on cases explored on the series. For a Ghost Hunters fan, it's perfect.

Went to Hyde Park for Dinner to celebrate Joe's (Jon's cousin) birthday.

Had the Early Nights special: appetizer (my choice: the lobster bisque), meal (two 3.5 fillet Mignon with onion straws), and side (hefty portion of garlic mashed potatoes) for 19.99 (cheapest item in the menu). Reminded me a great deal of Mancy's in Toledo, though Hyde lacks the unique character of a place like Mancy's. Joe's girlfriend, Abby, seems to be such a sweet person. Visiting with Beau and Karen (Joe's parents) was fantastic as well. I haven't actually spent time with Jon's family since...September perhaps?
Karen is set to retire from teaching at the end of this year. Jon's mother retired only a few years ago and could not wait to move down to Florida, golf, and swim. Karen, on the other hand, seems to be a bit melancholy about it, which struck a chord with me. Even after all these years, Karen feels frustrated by the lack parental engagement, literacy levels, and general condition of schools. There's still a passion, a desire to see the institution rise above circumstances, to do better than the year before.

Jon and I came home, clipped coupons, and ventured off to our Kroger where Jon insisted that cheesecake was "not a want but a need...and a need is a responsibility". Came home, put groceries away, and let the wild things out: Hazel and Jack. I'm concerned about Hazel though...we adopted him January 6th and he still is having digestive issues. Changed to Iams food and it seemed to get better, only to take a dive this morning. Don't misread- Hazel is just as active and hyper as a 3 month old kitten is supposed to be. His behavior and eating habits have not changed. Still...I believe we shall make an appointment.

Crazy for Coco

2010-01-23T03:18:00.003-05:00

Conan's last show :*-(

Farewell speech (roughly re-quoted): "All I ask is one thing, particularly of the young people that watch. Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record it is my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead you anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they would get but if you work hard and you are kind, amazing things will happen".

Why I love Craigslist

2010-01-20T21:18:00.002-05:00

Was forwarded the following craigslist ad:

"I see you, cute hipster girls of Columbus. I see you writing the next great American collection of poems at the corner table at Staufs, or listening to the XX on your iPod at a bus stop because the Dirty Projectors are so two months ago. I see you with your wisely chosen and very artful and very sexy tattoos, your carefully-but-not-too-carefully maintained hair, perhaps with highlights of an unusual, biologically impossible color. I see you with your impeccably snazzy clothes, no doubt skillfully curated from countless thrift store visits.

And I just want all of you to know: you are all very hot. Every Pitchfork-reading, farmer's-market-shopping, liberal-arts-college-educated inch of you.

I know I can never be with you, cute hipster girl. My bicycle has not only brakes, but multiple gears. It is, in fact, a hybrid, the fanny pack of the bicycle world. I am entirely free of tattoos. My facial hair is patchy at best, so I am unable to grow a beard. I am not a member of a lo-fi shoegaze indie pop band that sometimes gigs at Carabar, and indeed I can't play any musical instruments. I find Wes Anderson somewhat tedious. My jeans do not hug my legs, and I do not have a single stylishly retro vest or hat in my closet. Although I own a Moleskine, I have to be honest with you, I don't really write in it that much. My appreciation of Hall and Oates is entirely non-ironic. I regularly eat meat.

But the biggest problem, hipster girl of Columbus, is that you're just too intimidating in your good taste and vaguely-counterculture-but-not-threateningly-eccentric hotness for me to ever work up the pluck to talk to you. I know I will never be cool enough. Le sigh.

But that's okay. You still brighten my happy hours at Bodega Room. Thank you, hipster girl. You rock my world, and you make it look so easy. Carry on with your Bianchi Pista self."

I adore the author of this post.

Dexter

2010-01-18T17:11:00.004-05:00

Sick. Roommate Ben was the initial Typhoid Mary, then Jon contracted a little sniffle which means I'll most likely be sick until next week. Jon is taking great care of me. As I told my dear friend Praveen, Jon kept watch while I slept, ate ice cream, drank tea, and woke up intermittently, making random comments about whichever football game was on. Woke up just in time to watch the Golden Globes. I used to watch every award show with Cody, excitedly ready to mock or congratulate the picks. Sadly he was working but Jon, while playing Aion, would pipe in every known and then. Although the nominees have inspired in interest in several movies and tv series.: one of them being Dexter.
Stayed awake all night watching the first half of the first season of Dexter. Honestly, the first episode nearly made me throw up but I tried to stick with it and I have to say that I'm glad I did. It's very interesting and certainly different from what I normally watch. We'll see how it goes :-)

Interesting choice

2010-01-07T00:31:00.002-05:00

Sorry, I'll have to post pone my epic resolutions post for this quick one.

As I have been playing catch up with my favorite blogs, I came across one that featured a wedding where the bride and her father entered to "23" by Jimmy Eat World.
The lyrics are absolutely beautiful and I'm kind of in love with them. A still video w/ the song included to better exemplify.

I have felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine...

Mend and Make Do.

2010-01-05T12:20:00.003-05:00

I suppose that I should document this time, the adolescence of my career endeavors. After graduating from OSU, I ventured back to Toledo for a few weeks. Not only did I officially, finally clean out my parents basement (a challenge that has haunted me since I was 12). My parents...nay my mother, who I love dearly- Mom Heart tattoo on my bicep here we com- , saves EVERYTHING. Every graded math assignment, every crepe paper creation, everything. Which results in a basement filled to the top with boxs and bags, nonfunctional at best. It also results in finding the best. stuff. ever. I found...well, what didn't I find? Who needed Christmas when I could go down to the basement and find gloves from the 1930's? A 80's humidifier that still works? sketch books? The list goes on and on.

The idea of "Mend and Make Do" has truly inspired me to do just that. I've never had this...shall we say, limited of a budget so I'm really trying to squeeze as much money/use/function out of everything. I've been repairing, cleaning, and fixing more than I can tell and I feel so much more fulfilled than if I just went out and bought a new item.

It also helped save a ton of money too! Christmas gifts tended to be created from what gifts I found down there. For my friend Corey, for example, I took an old busted wooden frame with a dull farm print, fixed it, painted it black, glossed it, and put an old Mario "I Saved the Princess" poster from the 1990's in it. Nervous as I was while he was unwrapping his gift in the backseat of Jon's car as we headed on our way to The Four Horsemen, Corey loved it and compliamented it many times over. It meant the world that Corey appreciated the 4 hours of repair and painting that I executed in order to try to make something unique.

I loved spending time with my dear friends back home. Even though I maybe saw them twice because of schedules and other assorted issues, time spent with Sarah, Cody, Corey, and Molly were the amoung the highlights. I feel like I literally have the best of friends and hope to appreciate them as such in 2010. The feeling are very much the same when it comes to my family. Crazy , loud, silly, and amazing.

I plan to announce my delayed 2010 goals next post. Just wanted to do a random little note (to try to keep up with you Mr. P!)
:0)

Stay Tuned

2009-12-28T20:43:00.002-05:00

Long time, no see. I would apologize but can't, really. My entire life exploded into a hot, flaming mess and I could barely function. But thanks to the encouragement of a dear friend ( heeey Praveen- I'm planning on watching Martyr tomorrow and btw- where have you blogs gone to Mister!?) I think it's time I get back into the blogging business.

Stay Tuned.

It's always a process

2009-11-25T23:05:00.003-05:00

"Life is made up of small pleasures. Happiness is made up of those tiny successes. The big ones come too infrequently. And if you don't collect all these tiny successes, the big ones really don't mean a thing." -Norman Lear

2009-11-24T20:02:00.002-05:00

'The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.'
~ Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Happy Thanksgiving!
This year I am lucky enough to be able to celebrate the grateful affair twice; Thursday with Jon's family and Saturday with mine. Just thinking about the deliciousness that awaits is almost too much for my poor lack of concentration can take.

Hope you all will have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day!

Smitten with Mittens

2009-11-10T14:14:00.003-05:00

I've found a new love of my life...

and his name is Jack.

2009-11-01T01:27:00.002-04:00

I should have known that staying home from Matt's party would be useless. The plan was to stay home to get homework done ( yes, even on Halloween) but I read for about 3 hours and then the parties started...from every direction.hahahaha...I can't blame them really.
Scary to think that I only have about a month to get a RIDICULOUS amount of homework (read: research papers) done before the quarter is over.

I'm sending hugs and love to all (know that I'm keeping up with blogs even if I don't comment).

I'm off to watch more Ghost Hunters and wait for my second wind to start gusting up.

Tap Dancing.

2009-10-19T13:22:00.004-04:00

I'm graduating December 13 with a BA in Theater and a BA in Women's Studies.

Main goal in the time between then and now: survive.

Yesterday (my anniversary) was spent reading aloud from noon till midnight Feminist theory for my 550 Historical Feminist Thought Class. Between playing a game called Aion, Jon added thoughtful and challenging comments when I asked him about one feminist concept or another.

I then stayed up till 5am printing out all the readings, handouts, and slides for my Women' Studies 317 film class. Much overdue.

Woke up at 9:45 for a 10:30 class.

Sitting in the library now, wanting so badly to find a corner so I can sleep my migraine off. Instead I'm going to try to push through and get my final project proposal for 510 Women and Social Movement class done.

To all those fighting the good fight of papers and deadlines, I offer my sisterhood.

So this is love...

2009-10-19T04:13:00.003-04:00

The smell of syrup...
inducing dreams of waffle irons...
Jon's voice "Meghan...wake up...Meghan"
My eyes snap open and I quickly rub last night's eyeliner all about.
" Happy Anniversary" he says with a glass of milk and plateful of home made waffles.
3 years.

Booking It

2009-10-14T20:50:00.003-04:00

My trip to return library books turned into one of the best shopping experiences EVER. In a side room of the Northside Metropolitan library, I saw a very simple "Book Sale" sign to the left of the door way. I walk in and see 6 tables full of books, cds, and audiobooks. I see a pricing sheet but cannot make out the specifics.
"We are having our $2 bag sale today." a lovely woman in her 40's or 50's informs me.
"Oh Hi! Great...wait, what?"
"For $2 you can fill up a bag of whatever you'd like."
:silence as I am trying to understand this concept:
"...So. Every item is $2? Or-"
"Nope. You give me $2 and I'll give you a plastic bag that you can fill with as much as you want."
I cannot express the joy I felt as I walked back and forth, aisle by aisle, sliding my fingers over the binding of each book.
The only other person who I feel was at my level of excitement about this sale was the mom with a knitted hat and frenzied look in her eye. She ended up going home with 5 bags while I stuck faithfully to my one, lonely Walmart (yuck) bag.

My finds?
Books: Wuthering Heights, Watership Down, Article of War, Brick Lane, assorted Romance novels- one's title is a dirty pun about Irish Highlanders, a book about the inspiration behind Kahlil Gabran's greatest poems,etc.
Cds: Rilo Kiley, Il Divo, Block Party, Matt Kearny, Marc Broussard, The OC mix 2 (for nostaligic purposes), Flyleaf, Beethoven, aWale/Irish/Celtic singers Cd,etc

Columbus Day...

2009-10-12T16:36:00.000-04:00

Could not agree more.

2009-10-10T11:52:00.002-04:00

I apologize.

I've been lame. A big ol' Lamer.

I haven't done a quality post in FOREVVVVER.
Since the last time I posted, I feel like I've checked out of life in addition to my blog. Interesting to think how one reflects the other...

I think one of the reasons I haven't blogged has been that I don't know how much to divulge about my personal life. At some point though, I discovered that I'm living an authentic life so what is there to hide?

A few days ago I had a complete break down. It was paralyzing. Heartbreaking. Frightening.
Skipping classes, near panic attacks nearly everyday, overeating (BIG understatement), finally came to a head this past week. I laid in bed with the cyclical pattern of thinking that depression can only create and finally had to do something so I called Renee and she was the definition of a true friend. I called. Called again. Renee answered from the depths of her happy nappy time, put on pants, and picked me up. We went to Cup of Joes for a little coffee- I got a Fall flavored Chai pumpkin, as they affectionately called a Chumpkin.We talked for four hours about everything.
The main issues?
1. I have two discussion based classes with my ex (it's a long sordid, terrible story: LOTS of Emotional baggage)
2.Taking 25 credit hours in order to graduate- all above 500 level
3.Thinking about applying to Grad school
4. About to be without insurance after graduation where my financial burden for prescriptions will go from $20 a month to over $150 without insurance
5. Not employed
6. No job lined up after graduation
7. Credit card debt
8.Might not even graduate because my adviser has yet to actually get my Math and Foreign Language requirements substituted and has not been communicating with me.
9. Issues with weight.
10.Lost.

After pouring out my heart, Renee sat in silence, shaking her head and racking her brain to find the right words, the right plan of attack. Then Renee took out her phone and started calling everyone she could think of to see if they were hiring. God how I marveled ( and still do marvel nearly everyday) at her tenacity. Hillel's head hancho, Susanaha, said that she was more than willing to meet with me on Friday to "see what she could do".

Right after we talked to Hillel, Jon called and we agreed to meet at Brazenhead for $3 burgers.
Even though it was completely the wrong time and place, Renee said that I should tell Jon about everything. So I tried to glaze over the essential and give him the jist of it all.

It's been a rough few days but I think I'm starting to get my mind wrapped around all the issues.

If by R. Kipling

2009-10-06T02:03:00.000-04:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

2009-10-06T01:16:00.001-04:00

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy

oh that Connick :0)

2009-10-06T00:35:00.003-04:00

Going through my bookmarked website feels like I'm reliving half thoughts and unfinished conversations. Expect lots of random posts :0)

Harry Connick, Jr.'s passion for modern jazz, contemporary, and (dare I say) easy listening has caught my a special place in my heart. Classically handsome and charming, I recently saw him on Oprah and something that he said struck me.

Oprah:"What is the secret to maintaining a good family relationship?"

Connick, Jr.:"I love my wife...we're best friends...we communicate...we talk a lot...we love being with each other...I'm aware the older I get what a luxury that is... I realize that finding somebody that you can be with forever is-it doesn't happen for everybody. I got it and I'm not going to screw it up."

Appreciating healthy companionship and love as the luxury it is inspires me. I think the older I get and the more Jon and I go through, the deeper this concept will connect with me.

Oh Harry.

Sullivan Ballou Letter

2009-10-05T23:46:00.003-04:00

I wrote one of my College Entrance Essays on Ken Burns and the inspiration I find within his documentaries. Growing up I watched The Civil War on PBS with my mother-a full on Civil War buff. The lovely Sullivan Ballou Letter has always struck an emotional chord with me. I randomly found the entire letter on Wikipedia, instead of the shortened version featured in the documentary.

"July the 14th, 1861

Washington D.C.

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days—perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure—and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine O God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing—perfectly willing—to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows—when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children—is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death—and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles have often advocated before the people and "the name of honor that I love more than I fear death" have called upon me, and I have obeyed.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me—perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar—that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night—amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours—always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father's love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God's blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.

Sullivan"

Raw with emotion and very aware of the struggles of being husband and wife, partners, lovers, and parents, the letter continues to strike the heart with it's love and adoration.

Wedding Song

2009-10-02T01:05:00.001-04:00

I think I found a great contender for our wedding song...granted I still need to get engaged first but nonetheless

OSU vs.UT

2009-09-19T14:16:00.003-04:00

Sitting here with Jon and Renee watching the game...

Just got back from BW3's with the above + Shea, Nate, and his gang.

Golden Star day.

2009-09-19T09:14:00.003-04:00

To hold onto anger, resentment, and contempt for someone only hurts you. I struggle with the concept of forgiveness and what is means to truly embrace that idea. I pray often to forgive those who trespass against me and those I love. More so, I pray to want to forgive.

There is a selfishness in not forgiving; it gives you the power to make excuses.

I tried to reach out to someone who has hurt me since we will have to see each other this Fall and was scorned for doing so. I think anyone who laughs, mocks, etc at another person's kindness is immature as well as insecure.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"- Eleanor Roosevelt.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."- Eleanor Roosevelt.

Decisions.

2009-09-14T03:12:00.003-04:00

Post Graduation Options:

1. Apply for Masters Programs in Women's Studies, Social Work, or Public Health
2. Try my hand at actually working in the non-profit sector AKA- get a job.
3. Theater.

Oygle. Looking over past posts, I'm a bit embarrassed over one in particular. There was a brief period of time where I seriously considered adding a third major, and another year of Undergrad, to my Under Graduate experience. I suppose I don't regret it entirely since it marked an important moment for me. Due in no small part to my dear blogger friends, I realized that I was simply afraid. Nay, terrified of making real choices, of the future, of making a mistake. I have learned from that experience.

Now I feel like I am in a similair situation but now I have a little more confidence, a little more maturity, a little more ready.

2009-09-11T16:09:00.002-04:00

To be honest with you good people, I failed miserably at the whole not drinking pop and exercising. Labor day weekend was a bust for a number of reasons but Jon and I made it through :0)

Finished Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte! Woot! For some reason I struggled so much more with Wuthering Heights than with Jane Eyre. That is not to say that I didn't thoroughly enjoy reading both books. It just seemed like I zipped right through Jane Eyre yet with Wuthering Heights I had to stop every 50 pages or so and take a short break.
A few nights ago I made Jon read 3 or 4 pages out of Wuthering Heights while we snuggled in bed. Unknowingly I picked pages that were chalk full of Joseph, the uneducated male servant of Wuthering Heights, soliloquies. Bronte wrote Joseph's character in colloquial accent and hearing Jon try to machete his way through the grammatical jungle that was Joseph's speech was hysterical.

Eee! Have so much more to say but I must be on my way. Hope you all are having a lovely weekend!

2009-09-03T15:45:00.002-04:00

After my last post I feel truly revived. Mostly due to comments from some lovely bloggers-specifically, Charlie and Trains and Sewing Machines( which btw- I'm presuming that your title is from Imogen Heap, yes?). There's nothing like kind words and authentic care to renew the spirit.
muah!

I have to say that I am rather proud of some recent accomplishments; as small as they may be:
-Gave our room a proper cleaning.
I told Jon to expect me to become somewhat of a warden when it comes to keeping it in the condition it is in presently. We've had a conversation or two about how I detest the thought of fulfilling an awful stereotype concerning relentless nagging and organizing. To my amazement he said with a smile that although he might need some reminding, that he would try his best.
Oh domestic of us.
- I haven't had pop!whoop. (Or alcohol, for that matter).
- In line with trying to exercise more, I went swimming yesterday. Naive and over optimistic, I had visions of swimming up and down lanes for hours. I lasted 20-30 minutes at most. Swimming. My foe. I still haven't recovered. There's a reason why it's an Olympic sport. It really does work out every part of your body. I intend on going again tomorrow.

On another note, I'm nearly finished with "Jane Eyre". Perhaps another hundred pages at most. Oh my dear Mr. Edward Rochester. I cannot begin to tell you all the ways I adore this book. I'm not always so fond of books that are considered classics. My best friend Cody feels the same way; ask him about "To Kill A Mockingbird" and he gets a haunted look in his eye, takes a huge breath, then sits silent shaking his head. I feel the same way about "Catcher in the Rye". Jane Eyre on the other hand I feel a deep kinship to the main character. Another element that caught me off guard was the true character of Mr. Rochester. In all of the film renditions I've watched, Mr. Rochester possesses great power and charm. However I don't believe I've watched a film where his desperation at the thought of losing Jane is adequately captured. Mr. Rochester is at his most wild after Jane announces that she intends to leave him after learning of the existence of Bertha Mason.
Gripping her, he declares,
"...Whatever I do with its cage, I cannot get at it- the savage, beautiful creature. It I tear, if I rend the slight prison, my outrage with only let the captive loose. Conqueror I might be of the house; but the inmate would escape to heaven before I could call myself possessor of its clay dwelling-place. And it is you, spirit- with will and energy, and virtue and purity-that I want: not alone your brittle frame."
Whew! Talk about passion.

Simplistic, Superficial, and Self Serving Goals

2009-09-01T05:25:00.004-04:00

Oh September first.

Makes me realize how quickly this year has gone. Only 3 months till 2010. Incredible. With such a short amount of time left, I want to make sure that I make the most out of it. So here's the plan

I want to dedicate the next 3 months to my health/Well Being-my final quarter before graduation.

Cut Pop out (-gives me migraines)
Cut alcohol out(-" ")
Exercise EVERY single day-walk, run, etc; make it a point to spend a least a 30-60 minutes concentrating on being physical
Keep food journal
Utilize the campus gym while you still have access.
No fast food
Start preparing lunch
Start to plan each week's meals.
Food Portion control
Carry a water bottle at all times (as much as possible anyway).
Start getting up at 7am everyday.
Eliminate stress by making ultimate syllabus and time line with due dates for papers, exams, and Grad school applications- once school starts
Stop eating while watching tv
Call/ Contact one friend/family member a day.
Keep living room and bedroom cleaned/organized-less stress

Goal: Be in the 150's by December for Graduation!
Goal: Get all A's in classes
Goal: Have writing sample and personal statement reviewed and ready to send out by the end of the quarter.

Let's see how this goes :0)

2009-09-01T04:59:00.001-04:00

Life is bizarre.

2009-08-27T02:56:00.003-04:00

Thank you a hundred times over for your thoughts on friendship and your support/encouragement. Many times I find such natural and easy connections with my blogger friends. Not to mention the unfailing support. Thank you.

I have a terrible time following through on friendships but I'm trying. I suppose that's a start.

The days go by so slowly during summer. The nights seem to be over within a few moments. I have developed a routine during the weekdays. Wake up. Check E-mail. Cue up whatever TMC delightful black and white film I DVRed the night before. I float from watching the film back to my netbook screen as I spend hours going from craigslist part time job section, monster.com, Ohio State University's Student Job section-on campus, Ohio State University's Student Job section- off campus, yahoojobs, etc.(of course allow distraction time for visits to facebook, other blogs, etc). I have officially applied to 38 different jobs since my job hunt began in April. I apply to whatever jobs fit what little real life skills I have.

At some point I become depressed about my lack of skills and/or lack of available jobs in the immediate area, etc. and I take a nap for a hour or two. Then I wait until Jon calls me on his way home.

When Jon walks through the door, my whole body relaxes. It's such an odd comfort. I have no problem with being alone for long hours; there are times when I prefer my own company. Being independent and having autonomy in my relationship is not only essential but also elements that I practice as much as possible. Yet when Jon comes home, it feels like a part of myself has returned.

Anyway- I've watched a number of films in my journey on the internets to find any sort of employment. Madame Bovary, The Smiling Lieutenant, Shanendoah, Design for Living( Loved it although I need to check out the full play which is apparently differs from the film), Love Letters, Portrait of Jennie, Woman Chases Man (fell in love with Joel McCrea), Virginia City (thanks to this film, I investigated this Errol Flynn character...and did not like what I found), and The Heiress. Most of the films starred Jennifer Jones and/or Miriam Hopkins. I'm taken with both ladies now as I had never heard of them previously.

Jon and I are headed to Mansfield in the morning to visit with his mother who is up from Florida. Night all!

2009-08-24T17:10:00.003-04:00

What does it mean to be a great friend?
What actions does one take to be considered a great friend?
What attributes?
What has to be consistently present?

This post is not a rhetorical one. I feel like I've lost the knowledge of how to be a good friend to anyone. Example? I want to call people back but I stop just before pressing send. Why? The moment is filled with a mixture of anxiety and self consciousness.

How is a friendship maintained?

A day with the Boy.

2009-08-16T21:05:00.005-04:00

Watched: War and Peace with Audrey Hepburn and Henry Fonda.

Jon and I decided against going to the arts festival in the Short North last night- walk around in 85 degree+ humidity at 8pm without even a little breeze to lighten the blow? Not exactly our thing after a long week. Instead we cooked Spaghetti and Garlic Bread and watched a little Cleveland vs. Green Bay Football. As expected Cleveland lost.

By 10:30pm Jon could barely keep his eyes open so he laid down on the futon while I researched antique engagement rings for a few hours. Have decided that we should certainly not buy one from/over the interwebs. Numerous sites had a wonderful array of antique and vintage rings that were drop dead gorgeous but no matter how many angles they showcased, you cannot replace the experience of physically placing a ring on your finger. The ability to observe how that specific ring looks on your hand, with all of your scars, moles, and earned hangnails, is a gift.

Just curious to my peeps- if you have one, where did you get your engagement ring?

As I was winding down around 4am, Jon woke up....of course. So we simply switched spots- I spent some quality time with our lovely futon and Jon sat his tush on the ground, getting into prime gaming time.

Slept till 10am- Got up. Ate Hot Dogs. Ventured with Jon to purchase his new work shoes (as I wisely stated to him "If the shoe don't fit, you must acquit"a little humor from 1994). Micro-Center, etc. Came home and randomly started to look on craigslist for jobs.

And that is when I found the most amazing vintage/antique location yet!

The Columbus Antique Mall apparently is hiring for part time office work. Curious, I google and find that sadly they do not maintain their own website. However, 2 out of the 3 websites that popped up pertained to the Ghostly Hauntings that go on in the Columbus Antique Mall- one site had e.v.p.s and all! As you can imagine... I was pretty darn hyped up about the idea of working at a haunted antique shop. It would combine my two of my favorite topics- ghosts and vintage! What do you expect from an antique shop that use to be a funeral home?

Around 4:30pm, we decided to take a quick trip to check the place out. While I filled out the application, Jon explored and soon came back with a magnificent find: a beer stein! I finished the application rather quickly and soon was overwhelmed by the sheer number of visual delights. Amazing.

With barely an hour before they closed, we took off to the basement level ( 1 out of 4 levels) where Jon fell in love. Behold:

Here is Jon with both treasures:

So much happiness.lol.

I cannot begin to describe the wonders that I found. This is sure to be the first of many visits.

Indeed, Word Up

2009-08-16T00:05:00.003-04:00

I have been away for some time- spent a week in Toledo to visit family,met Trevor's new girlfriend, Amber, found my retainer, learned loads about Private student loans (and not out of mere curiosity), got together with my best friends from high school (2 of whom are barely more than strangers to me) for the first time in 6 years, and managed to get Bronchitis so severe that I barely slept at all and lost my voice. Coughing harder and harder, until a sweat breaks out first on my forehead, quickly moving south. As you can imagine I managed to watch a number of movies in the midst of coughing spells and disrupted dreams.

Watched a lot of movies: Peg O' my Heart(silly),The Farmer Takes A Wife(fell in love with Henry Fonda), Jezebel (did.not.like.at.all.), Forsaking All Others ( soap opera, say what?!), Strange Interlude (brought the drama), They Met in Bombay (Rasicm!Yikes!), Our Betters (tried so hard not to fall asleep), A Woman's Face (plot twists!),The Importance of Being Earnest (love the play.not the movie), Golden Boy (amazing :0) Such a wonderful gem), Marianne (Jon cocked his head to one side and said "...when was this made?"sexual references in a 1930's flick sure know how to make me giggle).

Also- Realized that August is nearly half gone and I have yet to do any of the things on my 2009 Goals.
I did finally find a book list that I am satisfied with- Newsweek combined lists from "Modern Library, the New York Public Library, St. John's College reading list, Oprah's, and more", coming up with their own top 100:

War and Peace by Tolstoy
1984 by Orwell
Ulysses by Joyce
Lolita by Nabokov
The Sound and The Fury by Faulkner
Invisible Man by Ellison
To The Lighthouse by Woolf
The Illiad and the Odyssey by Homer
Pride and Prejudice by Austen
Divine Comedy by Alighieri
Canterbury Tales by Chaucer
Gulliver's Travels by Swift
Middlemarch by Eliot
Things Fall Abart by Achebe
The Catcher in the Rye by Salinger
Gone with the Wind by Mitchell
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Marquez
The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald
Catch-22 by Heller
Beloved by Morrison
The Grapes of Wrath by Steinbeck
Midnight's Children by Rushdie
Brave New World by Huxley
Mrs. Dalloway by Woolf
Native Son by Wright
Democracy in America by Tocqueville
On the Origin of Species by Darwin
The Histories by Herodotus
The Social Contract by Rousseau
Das Kapital by Marx
The Prince by Machiavelli
Confessions by St. Augustine
Leviathan by Hobbes
The History of the Peloponnesian War by Thucydides
The Lord of the Rings by Tolkien
Winnie-the-Pooh by Milne
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by Lewis
A Passage to India by Forster
On the Road by Kerouac
To Kill a Mockingbird by Lee
The Holy Bible, Revised Standard Version
A Clockwork Orange by Burgess
Light in August by Faulkner
The Souls of Black Folk by Du Bois
Wide Sargasso Sea by Rhys
Madame Bovary by Flaubert
Paradise Lost by Milton
Anna Karenina by Tolstoy
Hamlet by Shakespeare
King Lear by Shakespeare
Othello by Shakespeare
Sonnets by Shakespeare
Leaves of Grass by Whitman
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Twain
Kim by Kipling
Frankenstein by Shelley
Song of Soloman by Morrison
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Kesey
For Whom the Bell Tolls by Hemingway
Slaugherhouse-Five by Vonnegut
Animal Farm by Orwell
Lord of the Flies by Golding
In Cold Blood by Capote
The Golden Notebook by Lessing
Remembrance of Things Past by Proust
The Big Sleep by Chandler
As I Lay Dying by Faulkner
The Sun Also Rises by Hemingway
I, Claudius by Graves
The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by McCullers
Sons and Lovers by Lawrence
All the King's Men by Warren
Go Tell it on the Mountain by Warren
Charlotte's Web by White
Heart of Darkness by Conrad
Night by Wiesel
Rabbit, Run by Updike
The Age of Innocence by Wharton
Portney's Complaint by Roth
An American Tragedy by Dreiser
The Day of the Locust by West
Tropic of Cancer by Miller
The Maltese Falcon by Hammett
His Dark Materials by Pullman
Death Comes for the Archbishop by Cather
The Interpretation of Dreams by Freud
The Education of Henry Adams by Adams
Quotations from Chairman Mao by Mao Zedong
The Varieties of Religious Experience by James
Brideshead Revisted by Waugh
Silent Spring by Carson
The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money by Keynes
Lord Jim by Conrad
Goodbye to All That by Graves
The Affluent Society by Galbraith
The Wind in the Willows by Grahame
The Autobiograhy of Malcom X
Eminent Victorians by Strachey
The Color Purple by Walker
The Second World War by Churchill

Starting from stratch, I intend to reread the books I have read along with all the rest of them. Before the end of the year I want to have read at least 4 of the books on the list...

The Romance of Self Discovery

2009-07-30T17:45:00.002-04:00

One of my very favorite blogging friends was having a rather difficult time recently and posted this

THERE'S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost .... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

This has been quoted in various books like the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying as well as Men are from Mars and Women from Venus.

Such Inspiration.

2009-07-30T17:05:00.003-04:00

Watching: The Firefly (1937)
I don't know if it's the minute and a half of footage of people nodding their heads to the beat of a song that the male main character is singing about donkeys and his love or the fact that the driver of the carriage puts down the reigns to play the guitar to accompany the main male character...maybe it was somewhere in between that this movie captured my heart. Much in the same way Grease 2 is one of my favorite, The Firefly has a quality where one cannot take it too seriously. ...Not to mention the main male character's side burns...

I mean look at that...jeez.

2009-07-30T15:54:00.003-04:00

I have bronchitis now. lol...of course. I had the pleasure of getting tested for swine flu too since my symptoms fight that description too. Not feeling well at all. Cannot wait till I'm not sick finally.

Watching: Remember? (1939)
An utterly forgotten film. Google, bing, imdb, it and you will find a lack of any info, pictures, etc. Even the one trivia fact on imdb.com details how the production was rushed in order to cash in on Greer's recent fame but was forgotten about at the Box Office.
It has it's charming moments- The plot reminds me of "Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" but only without any of the emotional/psychological significance that made me adore it. "Remember?" is purely a comedy and doesn't require thinking about any of the above.It did make me become a fan of Lew Ayers (Sky in the movie) who I would have bet money (which I don't have) on was Jack Lemmon. The two look strangely alike when they were younger.

This made my day:http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/facts-and-arguments/i-took-my-wifes-last-name/article1232071//

"For now, I'm content that Mona feels loved, because whether or not anyone else understands, my new name is a declaration of love. And it's a choice I made because I'd rather learn to give my power away than wield it, oblivious, until it's too late."

If only more men were progressive enough to even consider taking their wife's name. The fact the assumption is so ingrained that people don't even talk about the implications, what it really means,where the tradition comes from, and whether or not you want that to be part of your marriage, etc. is rather unsettling.

2009-07-25T16:12:00.003-04:00

It has been no secret that I have fallen behind on posting as well as reading blogs. I just wanted to apologize- I finally got a chance to sit down and read all of the amazingly encouraging thoughts, comments, and questions that you all have sent my way... it made me start crying (...yes the ugly cry). I cannot thank you for your friendship and positivity during a rather difficult last few weeks. I cannot tell you how much it meant to me that you all took time to send me some love and I wanted to send some back your way too :-)

Thank you.

Almost There...

2009-07-22T12:23:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow I'll take my 2 final exams in my 2 final theatre classes of undergrad. I'm not sorry to see them go (and the class credit come) by any means. They were difficult, infuriating, drove me nearly mad, and to tears but they are nearly done.

I got a 94 on my skirt in Costuming- the teacher was rather generous and I am more than glad for it. Trying to sew a hemline on an uneven, curvy flounce are.a.bitch.

Since Sunday, I've been managing to get 3-4 hours of sleep per night because of the number of projects due this week: Final Costume Designs for Miss. Prism and Jack Worthing from "The Importance of Being Earnest", Drafting project for "True West", Set Designers concept for "True West", Bound copy of research for "True West", Production Review for Costuming, Flat construction and painting, and skirt completion.

Whew.

Yesterday was the final day of classes and the final due date for the painting/flat, Final Costume Designs, and skirt.

I celebrated with McDonalds (which made me sick later), a shower ( I only managed to shave one leg because I was too tired), and a hour nap (I woke up with a migraine).

Then my fish, Bruce Lee died. Right after I cleaned his bowl...well, I guess cleanliness IS next to Godliness...(morbid joke). Jon found him hiding underneath a pink dolphin massager that I put in his bowl.
"Bruce Lee?" Jon says while tapping on the bowl.
....silence. "Bruce Lee!?....BRUCE LEE!! NOO!"

Before our spaghetti dinner, we said a small prayer for God to take care of Bruce Lee in Fish heaven.

Jon and I then watched an hour or so of "The Longest Day" while I sewed the duvet- Jon had managed to rip the duvet cover as well as the duvet. Jon would look over at me every once in awhile and shake his head while saying "You look so cute. Sewing with your hair up...". I think he gets a kick out of when I do/look domesticated.

Still have to do lighting for "Sucking Dublin" and "Port Authority" this weekend. Saturday is Jon's birthday and I have two full shows so I'll be gone for the majority of the day (1pm-11pm) but we both have Friday off so hopefully I can do something special for him then.

2009-07-13T05:07:00.002-04:00

Watched: I Know Where I'm Going
Delightfully light and airy romance about a gold digging woman who falls for a Navy officer while waiting to meet/marry a rich CEO of a chemical company. Set in Scotland with loads of bagpipes and dilapidated castles.

FINALLY caught up on reading all blogs that I frequent. I neglected to leave any notes (sorry!) but I will from now on.

Woke up at 3:45 am-ish with heartburn. Considering I had Chipotle and a Jack's oven pizza, I was asking for it yesterday.

Another full agenda of classes and rehearsal ahead of me.

Rehearsal. Oh dear. I'm Run Crew/ Set Builder/Lighting/Random task taker for a production of "Sucking Dublin" and "Port Authority". As with many theater endeavors, there seems to be more drama off stage than on.

Saturday Jon and I woke up, made oatmeal, and went here:
http://grandviewmercantile.com/grandview/user/main.php
to look at their vintage engagement rings....we of course prefaced the visit with a conversation that went along these lines:
"Now Jon, I don't want you to feel pressured. Just cause we are looking at engagement rings does not mean that you should feel like you need to buy one anytime soon or propose soon or that we should get married any time soon. I love you and you love me and that's all the really matters. If you are not comfortable with this just let me know-"
Jon: "-I"
Me: "-because today is just about looking and having a conversation about what we like and don't like but if you don't want to then that's fine. I've been thinking about this a lot and vintage engagement rings not only have more character and fits who I am perfectly but they tend to me less expensive initially and tend to have fantastic value for the carat and clarity. I-"
Jon: "MEGHAN. I want to marry you. Soon. We are going to look at engagement rings. Let's go."

:0)

We found the perfect ring. At least at this moment I think that it is the perfect ring. 1920's, sapphires on the sides, 1 carat. Beautiful and breath taking. It was also the only ring that fit me when we tried it on (Cinderella affect?). I just hope that it is still there once Jon is ready to buy an engagement ring...and if not, I will be a big girl, get over it, and find another one.

le sigh. I love that boy.

Signed up for a different class...again.

2009-07-08T15:38:00.003-04:00

Just found out that Women's Studies will not offer the capstone class during Winter quarter...which is when I was planning on taking it. So! Rearrange once again!

Still need to note: if everything works out the way Carole and I have planned, I will only have the following classes:
Women's Studies
1. WS 575- Senior Capstone-Fall
2. WS 550- History of Feminist Thought-Fall
3.WS class that fulfills Political Context and Social Change-Fall
4. WS class that fulfills Political Context and Social Change-Fall
5. Open Elective/Internship-????

Without doing the American Indian minor I could graduate this Fall if I either
A:take 25 credit hours
B: take Psych of Sex this summer and hope to goodness and back that it counts as an elective.

I'll talk to Stacia tomorrow and then Carole on Friday so I guess by the end of the week I'll know. Until then I should probably just concentrate on the classes that I am taking this session and the ridiculous homework I have for them.

Also- taking another quarter of classes after Fall quarter would not be the end of the world but for a gal on financial aid and going into her 6th year in school....I just want to be done. I love school and want to go to grad school eventually. Just a little over undergrad.

2009-07-08T01:26:00.007-04:00

Watching: Ninotchka

oygle.

Since I had a migraine of legendary proportion last night and slept till 2pm, I now cannot sleep.

Renee visited last Friday night to Saturday morning and then Claudia and Erica visited Saturday till Sunday.

Sarah called on Saturday to tell me that she and Jason are having troubles but the situation was a bit more complicated than it sounds....

Tomorrow starts the schedule that will continue until July 23:
9:30am-12:18pm-Costume Design
Break/Costume Catchup
1:30pm- 3:18pm- Set Design
Break till 5:30pm
6pm-10pm-Rehearsal where I sit silently, trying to memorize the play so I can do sound and lighting when the play opens in 2 weeks.

When I get a bit more time in August I really want to start on reading Newsweek's compiled list of the top 100 books found here: http://www.newsweek.com/id/204478

I swear this weekend I will update this blog like no tomorrow but for now, hope all is well.

More for me to grasp what is left.

2009-07-06T11:24:00.004-04:00

A few weeks ago I had the following classes left till I graduate:

List of Classes to take Before I Graduate
1. Set Design- Summer Quarter
2. Costume Design-Summer Quarter
3. 40 hours of construction- Fall
4. Running of production-winter
After which I will be done with Theatre degree

Women's Studies
1. WS 575- Senior Capstone-Winter
2. WS 550- History of Feminist thought-Fall
3.WS class that fulfills Political Context and Social Change-Fall
4. WS class that fulfills Political Context and Social Change-Fall
5. Open Elective/Internship-winter

Minor- American Indian Studies
1. Class from minor list-winter
2. class from minor list-winter

GEC
1. Stats-Fall

Now thanks to Mark and Mandi I am doing my Theatre 305 over the rest of July and a big thanks to Eric in the office for the 205 from my hours spent with Kollege the campus tv show. So now, after Mandi sends an e-mail to Eric after the production, I shall be done with my Theatre degree by the end of this month!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully Carole (my adviser) will be able to get my forgien language and math requirements petitioned like we had discussed. She also recently got back to me and said that we will petition my Psychology- Methods of Research class to count as a Stats class. If my philosophy class can count as a Math, why not a class that actually dealt with stats count as a stats class?

Now if everything works out the way Carole and I have planned, I will only have the following classes:
Women's Studies
1. WS 575- Senior Capstone-Winter
2. WS 550- History of Feminist thought-Fall
3.WS class that fulfills Political Context and Social Change-Fall
4. WS class that fulfills Political Context and Social Change-Fall
5. Open Elective/Internship-winter

Minor- American Indian Studies
1. Class from minor list-winter
2. class from minor list-winter

I need to call the American Indian Studies prof. to see if I can take 2 more classes the second session of this summer.

I am also meeting with Stacia from WS to set up an internship for this summer or Fall.
That way I would take 25 hours Fall quarter (which is a lot but I could totally do it) and graduate.

2009-07-01T22:09:00.002-04:00

Jon surprised me with an impromptu date night. We picked a random local diner: Marino's Seafood and then he drove over to the Book Loft- 32 rooms full of books. Without a buck in my wallet, I could not have enjoyed the night more. Surrounded by stories with the smell of nothing but ink and paper. If they could bottle that unique smell only experienced in libraries and book stores, I would buy a store worth.

Worked on my critique on Into the Woods after classes in some random computer lab in Campbell Hall.

Besides the above and classes from 9am- 3:18pm I spent all today and yesterday throwing up. My body is just rebelling against the stress, medication, and life in general apparently. I won't get a chance to really relax from everything until August.oygle.

Random thought overhead: "The more you bless others, the more you will be blessed."

Peanut Butter Goodness

2009-06-23T17:06:00.005-04:00

While cleaning up our room I found a recipe I wrote on a paper towel from 2 years ago.lol. Figure I should probably put it somewhere a little more permanent.

Ohio Buckeyes

Mix together 3 cups of creamy peanut butter, 1 and 1/2 sticks of softened butte, and 2 lbs confectioner's sugar
Form into small balls
Using a toothpick, dip balls into 16 oz. melted dipping chocolate until almost covered leaving some of the peanut butter mix exposed on top.
Refrigerate
Enjoy!

Peanut Butter Squares

Soften in microwave & mix together: 1 cup of peanut butter and 1 cup butter
Stir in: 2 cups of graham cracker crumbs and 2 & 1/2 cups powered sugar
Mix well.
Pat mix into bottom of 9 x 13 pan
On low heat melt 10 ounces of milk chocolate chips
Stir in 6 tablespoons of cooking oil
Pour over crust and refrigerator for several hours
Cut into bars
Enjoy :0)

( In no way am I saying these are healthy but they are delicious)

That, a dream, and Jon.

2009-06-23T13:44:00.005-04:00

Watched: Only Angels Have Wings

First impression: Slow. My attention kept coming in and out of the film. Also- I don't know if anyone else has noticed the influx of dangerous flyer/pilot movies that came to popularity in the 1930's. I must have watched at least 3 or 4 movies recently that featured a rogue flyer who can't fall in love because his job is too dangerous. I understand obviously flying was certainly dangerous but often it comes off as so silly.

But hey! Rita Hayworth made an appearance

I don't exactly remember much about this weekend besides another trip to the ER room, pain, crying, and discomfort.

My broken Ikea futon was still unfolded in the middle of the living room from Cody, Corey, Adrian, and Sean staying over the night before. I fell asleep on and off while Jon watched golf. I had an odd dream.

Sarah, Beth, Molly and I were 30 feet in the air in a lovely window paned rustic gazebo. As time passed it started to wobble with Beth fleeing first. Sarah and I found steps to a connecting gazebo and reached for Molly. Molly was caught in between, unsure of which way to turn. The next moment I dreamed I woke up on the floor of a modern carpeted apartment. Jon passed by in a yellow and black patterned Newsies cap, gazing up and feeling overwhelmingly safe and secure.
The next moment I started to dream about Golf.lol. Specifically that I was golfing with Leanne Rimes...which is beyond odd because I have never been a fan or paied any special attention to her in the least. I tried so hard to be a great golfer but I just could not beat Leann Rimes. (lol) Then someone said to me "The choices you make, the experiences you choose to have make you who you are. You are not destined to be anything but who you wish to be, who you make yourself into." I don't know if I should take up golfing or maybe Leanne Rimes should...lol.
I. have. no. idea. lol.
I tried to hard to hold on to that lesson as I struggled between sleep and reality. The feeling that I needed to contact Molly settled deep in my belly though. As much reserve and hesitation I have about becoming friends with her again, I can't help but want to reach out, despite everything she has done...or hasn't done .

I did end up calling Molly on Sunday evening. We talked for about 30 minutes mainly about the going ons in her life. Louis wants to join the Canadian air force and Molly will follow once again. She says that they are planning to get married at most in 2 years. I say that the military has great benefits for wives...Then launch into a Women Studies inspired lecture on how one can be article 15ed in the US military if caught having sex in any other manner than missionary between a male and female (obviously intended to find a way to kick out anyone who engages in gay/lesbian sexual acts) and how awful the military treatment of women is (1 in 3 will be sexually assaulted in one way or another during their first few months).
Keith is now dating one of her coworkers who has a 2 year old little girl. She calls him "Keef". She feels comflicted that she since she likes to spend alone time with Keith but doesn't want to seemingly become an issue in his new relationship.
I'm trying to trust her.

Another moment sticks out to me. Waking up from my silly, Leanne Rime golfing dreams I looked over to see Jon watching over me breifly before turning back to the tv. As I downed as many Citrecels as humanly possible, I rolled each foil wrapping into a ball slowly. Then I launched them at his unsuspecting profile. A quick pout and then wide smile broke across his face as his collected his ammunition and started throwing. That literally was the most fun I could have while laying on the floor, sicker than a dog.lol. This game continued through out the night and made me giggle each time.

Feeling so much better than I have in days. However, I am terrified of putting something, anything into my system for fear of the repercusions. So I've had a number of cups of tea and lots of water. Nervous about when I'll put a solid into my tummy. Oygle.

Found some delightful quotes and a few simple statements from around our lovely blogging community:
"The art of being yourself at your best is the art of unfolding your personality into the person you want to be. . . . Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others."
~ Wilfred Peterson

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'"
Kurt Vonnegut

"People discuss my art and pretend to understand as if it were necessary to understand, when it's simply necessary to love."
Claude Monet

"Authenticity is invaluable; originality is nonexistent."
Jim Jarmusch

"I decided that it was not wisdom that enabled poets to write their poetry, but a kind of instinct or inspiration, such as you find in seers and prophets who deliver all their sublime messages without knowing in the least what they mean."
Socrates

"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known."
Chuck Palahniuk

"A room without books is as a body without a soul."
Cicero

"Snails see the benefit of beauty in every inch"

P.S.-I realize that this is a bit late but read this blog in honor of Father's day, made me cry my eyes out with it's loving words.
http://newlywedcentral.blogspot.com/2009/06/dear-dad.html

The End of the Affair

2009-06-23T08:41:00.010-04:00

Watched: The End of the Affiar
I remember renting the 2004 version of this film from Family Video on VHS for 50 cents in 2005 or so and despising every moment of it. I was horrified at the prospect of adultery in general and hated watching people happily carrying on in such a state.

Needless to say maturity has set in as I have grown more sympathetic and open minded , less judgmental since then.

The 1955 is drastically different in execution and attitude toward the classic.

I find that not only is this essentially a story about desire & passion, but also about obsession and possession from Maurice.The 1955 version is so much more sexual and erotic without the nudity and rather explicit scenes from the 2004 version. Plus Ralph Fines creeps me out. ha.

Deborah Kerr's dresses are enviable too!( sorry about the moment of superficiality)

Yowzers!

2009-06-23T02:51:00.002-04:00

I have not been this violently ill in my life. Needless to say I experienced some "side effects" of one of the medications that was prescribed to me. Apparently the ER staff that treated me failed to look at my medical record and take note of a preexisting condition. They then prescribed medication that would complicate(to say the least) my condition. So now not only am I dealing with a kidney infection but also the horrible side effects of the medication to treat the infection in the first place.

I'm still feeling questionable but at least I am some what aware of my surroundings. Ugh

School started this week. Missed the first day and probably am going to miss the second. Need to e-mail profs.

Will update more/ check out everyone's lovely blogs either tomorrow or the next day.

The post graduate world

2009-06-18T00:37:00.003-04:00

I am frustrated. There I said it.

After my panicked post about adding yet another major onto my undergraduate plate, I mulled over your unbelievably helpful/insightful/AMAZING jems of wisdom/comments again and again. While I am extremely interested in political science, I feel like I need to move on with my life. I've been afraid of what is next, afraid to move on, afraid to fail.

So last night I decided to take a look at jobs. This is a big moment since I have never thought about the next step after college except in an abstract, naivee manner. I spent all last night on idealist.org trying to find nonprofit jobs in California that pay more than $20,000 and deal with women's issues. The plan was/is to work nonprofit while trying to act (it's the beginning of a plan at least :0). Really I wouldn't mind working for any number of nonprofit issues, I picked women's studies because it's what I know the best but I am also interested in the environment, health care, LBGT community issues, etc.

If I really want to pursue working for nonprofits, I should move to Washington according to numerous post graduate websites (that's common sense, I know). Not such a bad idea except that I want to do more film than traditional theater and I know that California would have more opportunities for film.

Anyways, I was wondering how one gets into the nonprofit field? Are there any other great websites that help job seekers in the nonprofit sector? Words of wisdom?lol.

Listing Lists

2009-06-17T02:57:00.010-04:00

Watching a movie about a boxer named Rocky...but it is NOT Rocky ( as much as I adore it)"Somebody Up there likes Me" with Paul Newman. It was entertaining and I'm glad I watched it but...eh. lol

Currently watching The White Cliffs of Dover
It has a fierce patriotic spirit that was a bit much. Barely held my attention...

And so begins the list making!

List of Classes to take Before I Graduate
1. Set Design- Summer Quarter
2. Costume Design-Summer Quarter
3. 40 hours of construction- Fall
4. Running of production-winter
After which I will be done with Theatre degree

Women's Studies
1. WS 575- Senior Capstone-Winter
2. WS 550- History of Feminist thought-Fall
3.WS class that fulfills Political Context and Social Change-Fall
4. WS class that fulfills Political Context and Social Change-Fall
5. Open Elective/Internship-winter

Minor- American Indian Studies
1. Class from minor list-winter
2. class from minor list-winter

GEC
1. Stats-Fall

-look for Women's Studies internships.
-look into volunteering
-job.
- put patches on bag
- sew pants
-put double pillow cases on pillows
-Call about contacts
-call about math testing
-call about testing for anxiety
-call doctor to send Carole confirmation of surgery during Winter quarter
-Make list of issues to talk to Carole about
-contact fin aid about e-mail
-gather all of the medical/counseling documents to present to Carole/Fin Aid.
-Make list of issues to talk to Carole about
-Make weight loss plan
-clean room
-e-mail Carole about working on Mandi's production for credit
-can psychology data analysis count as stats?-Carole/petition
-can I retroactively withdraw from math class once testing comes back
-call insurance to see if they cover testing.
-resolve FAFSA e-mails.
-get organized before classes start up this Monday

2009-06-16T04:05:00.003-04:00

Just realized that I finished my last post without talking about today which is what I intended to do. lol. Cannot seem to concentrate properly today.

Monday is Happy Greek night for Jon's group of Circuit City friends. The deal is a gyro, fries, and pitcher of beer for 6.99. I was not going to drink and was not in the mood for lamb so I had the shrimp pita sandwich and boy did it hit the spot tonight. Jon was so careful and patient. Dishing me out part of the appetizers that were ordered (including... OPA!), unfolding my napkin, putting the napkin in my lap, and placing my utensils on either side of my plate; holding my hand and telling the story of the weekend to all of our friends. They were surprised to say the least since earlier on Saturday I was doing alright, or at least was not vocalizing my pain at that moment. All in all it was a nice night out with friends which helped my spirits.

Come back to the apartment where Praveen stopped by to drop off some PC games for Jon. Praveen will be moving to Virginia soon and wanted to get rid of some games and was thoughtful enough to give them to Jon. oh that sweet heart of a man! It was nice to see Praveen one last time before he heads off to India for a month. After which he will return only to move a few weeks later. I'm going to miss his face more than I can say.

Jon and I then watched the newest episode of True Blood. It did not disappoint that is for sure! I was thoroughly pleased with the season premiere.

Looking ahead, I have a list of lists I need to make: summer goals, this weeks goals, academic goals/scheduling for my last 2 quarters, etc.

ER visit.

2009-06-14T17:03:00.004-04:00

SO sorry that I haven't written in a few days. Went to the ER last night- after a HORRIBLE 8 hour experience in the ER, I found out that I have a kidney infection and kidney stones (maybe). In pain. On Vicodon (sp?), anti nausea, and antibacterial medication.

:0(

2009-06-10T15:57:00.000-04:00

EEeee! I am so excited!!

Emo Moment. Please excuse.

2009-06-10T14:51:00.002-04:00

After watching this video
I wanted to run.
Out of my apartment.
I wanted to call my Father, though he doesn't know how to use the phone.
I needed to laugh with my Mother.
I wanted to hug Trevor, as words have never worked for us.
I wanted the sinking feeling to be lifted.
I wanted to grasp onto time and sink my nails into it, claw at it.
Desperate for it to stop. Pause.
Let me gasp, reaching the surface of water.
A moment. Realization.
My knuckles ached to play a piano. Poorly.
Wanted to be saved by God, Allah, Vishnu, Jesus, Moses, L. Ron Hubbarb.
Anyone.
Instead of the starkness of logic and rationalization.

Instead I stared at the blue mark on the eggshell white apartment wall.
I made a cup of Rose Tea with honey, trying not to cry.

2009-06-10T12:17:00.003-04:00

You MUST watch this. It's literally been stuck in my head since the first time I saw on one of my favorite bloggers Laura (blorangedice.blogspot.com) (- I hope you don't mind my promoting your blog.lol)

I'm not fully obsessed with all of his music on youtube. Hope you get obsessed too.

2009-06-10T03:48:00.003-04:00

Watching: Bombshell
I believe this is the first time I've watched a Jean Harlowe movie. I'm warming up to her slowly.

Over the weekend my cousins Claudia and Erica came up to go to the Gallery Hop in the Short North. The community, the art, the street musicians, it makes for a glorious June night.
After that we ventured to a local Hookah bar
An added perk of Claudia once dating a man who works at the hookah bar was free Chai. In a very cliche scene we talked about God, souls, dating, men, and women while smoking hookah. On the way back we stopped at Kroger's to pick up wine for Claudia. I was all too excited to the expose Claudia and Erica to "Ghost Adventures" on the travel channel. We laughed so hard, we cried. There's nothing like watching man yell out again and again for a mysterious ghost named "Mr. Boots". A bottle of wine and a bag of Bar-B-Que Fritos later, I was singing "Take me home West Virginia and yelling at Jon about how I couldn't get my socks off.

Had to get up early to meet Aunt Gayla and Uncle Gary at Bob Evans :0) Lovely time.
Afterwhich Jon bought a futon from a new trendy sofa shop that just opened up.

Monday and Tuesday have rather been a blur of catching up on sleep, reading, watching DVRed shows like "Whose Wedding Is It Anyways?", and trying to enjoy the few days I have until I need to buckle down and study. Wednesday will be reserved for completing my papers and studying for Poli Sci. No tv. No internet ADD. lol We will see how long that lasts for.

Marseilles Dress SHABBY APPLE GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-06-05T13:23:00.000-04:00

Marseilles Dress SHABBY APPLE GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

TGIF

2009-06-05T12:29:00.004-04:00

Watched Demi-Paradise with Laurence Olivier

My crush on Olivier has only grown after watching this film. This movie is HILARIOUS. I'm not sure if it's his Russian accent, the sincerity of it all, or exactly what but it just works. Made as a part of an English war effort to improve Russian and UK relations, it unfortunately has a dissatisfying end so I can't necessarily say that it is one of my favorites but it certainly was enjoyable.

Currently watching: Once Upon a Honeymoon.
Cary Grant reminds me too much of my Uncle Gary to find him remotely attractive but I do appreciate him.

Yesterday night I had a terrible migraine which is odd since I have managed months without suffering from one. I'm not sure what set it off. I ate oatmeal in the morning, snacked on a brownie, cupcake, and a thin mint in Women's health took a nap and then WHAM. migraine.

Not. Cool.

Thankfully I had one Imitrex hiding in my backpack- need to get a prescription for more- and was able to take that before it got too bad.

This weekend is sure to be jam packed. Claudia and Erica are supposed to come up from Cincinnati for the Gallery Hop in the Short North tomorrow. Sarah is also supposed to come down this weekend to visit. Tomorrow is also the reunion with the cancer survivors from the production we did last summer with InterAct. I'm a tad nervous about it since I haven't been in contact with any of the survivors since last July.

To Do:
Clean Apartment
Go grocery shopping
Mail package
Get e-mail down to 100
Call Aunt Gayla
Clean out voice mail.

Although I plan to procrastinate a tad longer, I should get started on all that soon enough.

I want to marry Clark Gable

2009-06-03T22:04:00.006-04:00

Thank you all for your wonderful words on my last post. I appreciate it more than you can imagine. Thank you Thank you! I'm marinating on my options at the moment and will blog further about it later.

Took a glorious nap when I got home from class. Watched Ghost Hunters marathon which was DELIGHTFUL. I can never get enough of Jay and Grant.

Watching "Test Pilot" with Clark Gable & Myrna Loy

Hm.Hm.hm. That Clark Gable.

Tomorrow is my last day for Spring classes! Yay! Just my Women's Health left to go.
After that are finals next week...oh dear.

Found inspiring quotes on one of my favorite blogs to visit:
The Road to Success is dotted with many tempting parking place~ anonymous
If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.~ Buddhist saying
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams
- Dr. Seuss
My Therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. ~ Dave Barry

Advice Needed!!( Help from Graduates!)

2009-06-03T14:31:00.004-04:00

For those who know me in *real* life, please disregard this entry- you have heard me whine enough times about not knowing what to do with my life...
For those who only know me through blogging, I'd really appreciate your opinions ESPECIALLY if you have already graduated from a University and in the habit of trying to be real grown up(ish) people.

I am 23 years old and a 5th year Senior at my University. All things considered I should graduate either this Fall or Winter with a BA in Theater, a BA in Women's Studies, and a minor in Native American Culture.

...or.

I could bust my ass this next Fall, Winter, and Spring in order to get a Political Science BA on top of everything else.
The majority of the time I am satisfied with the current agenda.

....But.
Then I start thinking.

Every Political Science class I take, I do extremely well in, enjoy a great deal, and am encouraged by my professors to continue taking classes in the subject and get my degree in it.
On the respect hierarchy within University and society in general, the response I get is usually something resembling
" Oh so you are taking theater and women studies classes. Those subjects are so interesting...but what is your REAL major?"
"That's your major? So you are going to school just to be poor?"
"...so what are you going to do with THAT?"

to which I reply "Work in retail" "Become a waitress" or just "...exactly"

I adore and am extremely passionate about Theater and Women's Studies however I feel a Political Science degree would help to legitimize my degrees, especially Women's Studies since the two are so closely related.
Additionally I just simply love politics, especially foreign affairs. The readings are all fascinating, I love the nature of the beast, the debating, the conflicting ideas and morals coming together to make a set of laws...

It would also give me more classes to hopefully improve my GPA which is not currently where I want it to be-it isn't TERRIBLE but still-the better the GPA, the better Graduate School you get into it seems.

Which is a whole other option.
Should I just graduate and start looking at Graduate Schools to continue my education?
I know that you really do not necessarily need to major in what you pursue in Grad school which is nice since I don't even know what I want to go to Graduate School for.

Everyone tells me to stay in school as long as I can because the economy is awful and I only have 6 months until the onslaught of student loan repayments starts. What sort of job can I get with those degrees in this economy?

My guidance counselor DOES NOT HELP. She is an amazing woman who has gone above and beyond (even the legal limits) to help me but I think she encourages this situation by suggesting I take every available class for theater and the arts. She offers me classes I would LOVE to take but do not count towards a degree.

Then there is another side of me which wants to pursue Theater/Film which I have been silly with passion for since I was a child. In order to get into the professional side of it you need to start as soon as possible and I feel like I am already behind.

Although the extra time allowed if I were to seek a Political Science degree would give me more time to get myself right to move, find a job, and start making plans to pursue acting in an active way.

Or I could be over thinking everything.
I don't want to waste anymore time.

Help.

Advice Needed.

Albino Squirrel

2009-06-03T00:27:00.007-04:00

I am beyond flattered by all of the compliments and comments that you lovely people left. It's been a rough day and coming home to see such positive messages was an uplifting moment.

Spent my entire day writing papers, creating my presentation, and presenting.
The presentation was for my Women's Health class and dealt with women with Spinal Cord Injuries and rediscovering sexuality. I first got this idea in my Lesbian Studies class where my professor told us to look at disability porn some time...well, I did not do that but I was curious about the interplay of disability and sexuality.

The two papers dealt with "Killing the Black Body" by Dorothy Roberts and "Conquest" by Andrea Smith.

Worked nonstop on homework from 5am till 6pm

On the way home I chased the legendary Albino Squirrel in order to get a picture

Victory was mine!

2009-05-31T22:55:00.005-04:00

There is a Great Clips on Neil that Jon always gets his hair cut at and loves. So I though I'd give it a try...plus I got a 6.99 coupon.

On the pro side: I have bangs now!!

On the Con side:
The hair stylist did not even say hi to me, let alone try to start a conversation with me.
He hit me in the head with the hair dryer 8 different times.
When he cut my bangs, the stylist simply grabbed a chunk of hair and snipped (which terrified me) without taking a measured approach to gathering the hair, etc.
He spent 10 minutes on my hair while Jon's haircut took around 25 minutes...and as you can see he has considerable less hair than I do.

Verdict: Great Clips and I will cease contact for an undetermined amount of time. I'd rather try to cut my own hair.

Spent the morning with Jon using a Bob Evans gift card from Christmas from his mom and watching

Love it.

Also- This is what happened when I asked Jon to stop playing his computer game and take another picture with me:

And now it is on my blog for all to see. Ha.

2009-05-30T16:29:00.003-04:00

This silliness sums up last night

It was KC's birthday so we ventured to Novak's where this happened:

Oh dear...I guess this is part of the College experience.

Tonight we are cooking out at Matt's to watch the Cav's and then we are supposed to go bowling but I doubt that will happen as Jon's step-brother and sister-in-law are staying the night over at our place.

Thanks for the 5 comments on my last blog :0) You have no idea how thrilled I am whenever I get one comment, let alone 5 ! oh jeez :blushes:

One comment that was dearly flattering was from MissBliss about a comment I made on a mutual favorite blog. I commented
"It takes a lot of courage to decide what you want and perhaps even more to decide what you don't want." I feel like that applies to numerous ascepts of life; wheither it is an opportunity, job, lifestyle, or person. I deeply respect an individual who can look at a situation and let their personal truth (/instinct, etc.) guide them in making their decision.

2009-05-28T16:15:00.009-04:00

Forgot to post pictures From around campus

At 7am that struck me as hilarious. Snorting and all.

Hated the last movie with Norma Shearer- it was simply awful.
Now watching Westward Passage
That Laurence Olivier is such a cad. aw jeez! With great comedic timing :0) I'm becoming a fan.

Love this exchange:
"You may run along Nick"

"I will not run!...I will walk...in a dignified manner!"
I hope that translates onto a blog well.

2009-05-28T14:13:00.004-04:00

Watched The Pursuit of Happiness with Michael Sarrazin...
One thing about movies made in the 1960'S-1970'S that gets under my skin is the ill-fitting which is usually meandering and features an acoustic guitar.lol. Growing up with a hippie Mom, I usually adore a little 1960's anti-establishment acoustic styling's. Just my own issue I guess. I did like, despire all of the co-dependent themes, the relationship between William Popper and his girlfriend. Endearing.
I also watched "They Shoot Horses Don't they?" earlier today while doing some homework... my mom has always loved the film which is why I DVRed it. Processing that fact after watching the film makes me a little worried since it is so obsurdly depressing. That is one film that while I am glad I watched it, I will be more than happy if I never see it again. If anything, I learned that Jane Fonda is one fiesty lady.

Currently watching Strangers May Kiss with Norma Shearer

Looking over the last few posts, I feel like you looked at the TCM weekly schedule, you could pretty much suffice all the information this blog contains.lol....j/k. kinda.

Had a dream that a Professor was trying to help me figure out what to do with my life. Going to graduate school for Psychology didn't fit, History didn't fit,...Political Science was an option, Women's Studies was an option, trying Acting was an option... So clearly I ran off and opened a Vintage Shop in the vein of the Ghost Whisperer's "Same As It Never Was".

While going through blogs I found a delicious sounding recipe from Lobster and Swan.

"Lemon Lime and Ginger Cooler

2/3 Table Spoons sugar
1 glug of maple syrup (optional)
1 inch fresh ginger peeled and grated
juice of 3 lemons
zest of 1 lemon
1 lime sliced
- Handful of bruised mint leaves instead of lime slices is another variation."
http://lobsterandswan.blogspot.com/2009/05/as-promised.html

Yummy.

2009-05-27T16:37:00.008-04:00

Feeling a bit blue today...not sure why. Lots of anxiety about school, life, lack of funds, lack of job, etc. Feeling a bit lost and behind everyone else. Don't know what to do nor where to start. Stuck.

Watched two Clark Gable movies in the past 2 days:

and"To Please a Lady" and "Too Hot to Handle"....both of those titles make the films seem like they should be a lot spicier than they are. Both are rather forgettable except for "Too Hot to Handle"'s racist VooDoo scene in South America. "To Please a Lady" matched that with a scene where Gable slapped Stanwyck and then forcibly kissed her
Currently drinking chai and watching:I'm only a little ways into it but already my crush on Jimmy Stewart

...le sigh...so sharp in a tux.

Yesterday went to Panera with Praveen, Renee, Brittani, and Jon to catch up on everyone's weekend adventures: Praveen went to Cleveland, Renee and Brittani to NewYork, and Jon and I to Toledo. It was Praveen's idea and I have to say it made my day. Being with good friends is a sure way to brighten things up ( as corny as that sounds, I feel like I needed it yesterday). Besides class I spent yesterday reeling from the news that my ex got engaged to my ex-friend (the whole ordeal is bizarre). In a response I spent all day trying to work on a paper in between checking out engagment rings. Considering the situation, I think spending my day looking at engagement rings is a healthy coping machanism.

Praveen then broke the news that after his graduation in June he's going to spend a month in India with his Grandma+ other family. After that he'll come back to Columbus for a few weeks before his big move to Virginia for his job...I suppose that you could get all this from him since he has his own delightful blog (Praveen, I'm calling you out- I want blog updates!). Praveen has become a dear, dear friend so needless to say we'll have to make plans to visit him as soon as he is settled in.

Well, my intention was to get on to check other blogs so I should get to it!

The AM of my Birthday!

2009-05-22T05:35:00.008-04:00

Today is my birthday. 23. 22 was my golden birthday (ie- My birthday is May 22 and I turned 22...I equate a "Golden Birthday" with the whole half-birthday concept; silliness) and it was a small, lovely affair (ie went to Red Lobster with Jon, Sarah, and Renee.lol. oh how I love the Crab Alfredo...no matter how many calories it has). I haven't truly, properly celebrated my birthday for a few years now. So I thought I would take it upon myself to throw a little party. About 20 of my friends are going to come over to my place to partake in cake and ice cream after which we are going to paint the town red with tom foolery. Can't sleep at the moment. Watching "Their Own Desire" For a film made in 1929, it's surprisingly progressive in a manner of speaking: it deals with divorce, a forceful young lady who stands up to her father, a woman who doesn't want to get married (at least at first anyway). I'm rather falling in love with the movie...I guess we'll see where we are at the movies end though. Any idea where I can buy this movie? I feel as though Norma Shearer is so underrated as a film legend.

I mean, look at that sass!

Tomorrow I head home to Toledo for the weekend to celebrate birthdays- Trevor's is the 31st, Dad's was the 19, mine is TODAY (surprise). Mom is getting a cake and in the normal fashion it's on the silly side.

That's right. It's a scene from Highlander. A few years ago my birthday cake looked like this:

The One. The Only. Phil Collins.

Phil giving me a birthday kiss.
Anyway- it's about 6 am and I really should be getting a little sleep before writing papers :0)

A night at home

2009-05-22T05:04:00.003-04:00

Last night Jon and I had Brinner

or better yet

I heated up the 1970's Oyster Waffle Maker that my parents gave Jon and I, fried up some eggs, and poured 2 glasses of milk to complete the experience. While making brinner I was listening to the audio-book of Twilight (on top of watching, reading, loving all things Twilight). Even as Jon and I sat down to have at the delicious din-din we listened. Jon then thoughtfully proclaimed his Team Edward loyalty, detailing that "Jacob was trying to move in on Edward's girl while he was away" in a wtf tone. The fact that he even attempts to converse with me about Twilight- what he calls "porn for ladies"- is one of the many reasons why I adore him.

I had dvr-ed "Reefer Madness" a few days ago and had been suggesting Jon would get a kick out it. Finally we put it on...it is a MUST see movie. Just look at the poster

Then we watched Southland and my crush on Ben McKenzie just increased by leaps and bounds. :sighs: oh we have come a long way since the OC

Where the Wild things Are

2009-05-22T04:33:00.000-04:00

Comes out Oct. 16,2009 I believe.SO EXCITED.

Away we Go

2009-05-22T04:29:00.001-04:00

Comes out June 11,2009 I believe. Looks adorable :0)

2009-05-22T03:15:00.000-04:00

Brian & Eileen's Wedding Music Video. from LOCKDOWN projects on Vimeo.

ADORABLE. Found it on Cup of Jo's blog here:http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2009/05/best-british-wedding-video-ever.html

Ode to The Best Years

2009-05-22T01:39:00.005-04:00

"The thing about stepping off the cliff is finding out the fall isn't that bad, sometimes it's kinda fun and the best part is that it might help someone else step off the cliff too."
- Dermabrasion, The Best Years

For the past half an hour I have been desperately looking for the song the plays at the end of the Dermabrasion episode of the Canadian College drama " The Best Years". The lyrics resemble something like this
"you go and I'll stay someday when the whistle blows come home i'll try not to cry"...or at least that's what I could make out from under the dialogue. The lead is a female and it's acoustic. lol...I have 3 papers due tomorrow and all I can do is try to figure out a random song at the end of a Degrassi-like drama.

I was just trying to google an image of Rich- my favorite character on the show only to learn that the show was JUST canceled. wow...HA...that was depressing. FML.

Wait...read more random websites, blogs, message boards,etc. and apparently it was cancelled after season 1 and was brought back for season 2...and there are lots of questions about if there will be a season 3...if anyone has any idea, PLEASE let me know...I spent a half an hour trying to figure out info about a minute and a half song, people, imagine what would happen if I try to figure out if they are returning.

Anyway here's Rich-
Clearly half of my attraction to him is because his character majors in sustainability and he loves the environment.
Look at that...I can feel the caring. That Mother Earth Lover. Heart him.

2009-05-19T00:39:00.003-04:00

So tired from school. Would write more but I'm going to catch up on all the blogs I have missed in the last few days.

Here's a photo of me and the boy to make up for my lack of writing.

Introducing Frankie

2009-05-17T19:03:00.004-04:00

OMG. I am sitting here typing on my birthday present. Jon and I spent the essentially the entire day at Microcenter where he purchased an Acer Apire One
A sexy little number, no? One of the blogs I frequent was singing the praises of notebooks/micro/mini laptops (they go by various names) which sparked my interest. Not only are they cheaper than laptops, they are more convenient since they can easily fit in my book bag, purse, tote, etc. and are delightfully lightweight. I think I may be in love folks. I have already ordained his "Frankie" in honor of the fact that it is an enchanting dark blue.

Current I am watching a show called "I Want To Save Your Life" which is on the Women's Entertainment channel. I meant to DVR one episode just to see what it was about, selected the wrong option and ended up with 8 episodes recorded. The show is about weight loss and host by a man who breaks down losing weight into phases.
Investigation: What are you eating? Where are you eating? How much are you eating?
Reality Check: Know who you are/Look Inside/ Why?
- can't go on in life thinking that everything will fall in place, You have to make it fall into place.
Shaping Up: Set up a set of weekly goals to meet
Living Life: Putting the plan into action
The host made another observation that was thought provoking- People spent at least 9 monthes planning a wedding. People put no time and effort into planning a healthy lifestyle.
It's corny yet inspiring.

I'm trying to get use to the keyboard so sorry if the above bored you but I had to write something!

Oh...ok, just One more movie post...

2009-05-14T16:29:00.002-04:00

hehhehe.

You know, at first I HATED Jimmy Kimmel but the more I see, the more I like, I have to say.

Movies Bovies Schmoozies

2009-05-14T15:59:00.004-04:00

"What's the Perfect Date?"
"Take them to Applebees and get them Hot Wings"
I concur.

Paper Heart

Comes out August 14.

"I was very neat and organized"

(500) Days of Summer

July 17, 2009 in limited release

2009-05-14T15:43:00.003-04:00

Saw this on Perez Hilton and cannot wait to see this. Comes out November 6th, 2009 in limited release.

Ryan's 24th/ Thurman Cafe.

2009-05-13T23:49:00.008-04:00

Exhausted. Celebrated Ryan's 24th B-day at Thurman's- ranked within the top 15 Burgers in the US.
The waiting area/entrance where we spent an hour and a half doing just what it is named for...waiting...
The Actual dining Area.
Shram, Cassandra, Ashley, Dan, June-Dan's new Asian girlfriend, Adam, Matt, Renee, Katie, Jon, Ted, and moi all showed up to partake in the challenge that is the infamous Thurman Burger.
It was everything and more. As an ex-vegetarian, I shudder to think about what I ingested. The carnivore on the other hand proudly high fives as I managed to eat most of my meal- albeit with a fork and knife. For a water and Thurman Burger with all the works plus 20% tip, my bill totaled $12 and some odd cents. I guess it's an experience but not exactly good for my waist or wallet.
All in all- a great time. After only 2 drinks and a shot, Ashley was a housed and hilarious so we decided to take her back to our apartment so Ben could take care of her and skip the whole Birthday Drinking Celebration at B. Hamptons.

During the day I went to both classes- Poli Sci- Women in Politics ,where after a fire in our usual classroom caused by a pop vending machine just outside of out classroom door/exit, the Prof. made the smart decision to change classrooms. I missed the midterm because of my never ending cold so now my final will be worth 65% of my grade. Forgot to ask her about my presentation grade and REALLY Need to email her tomorrow about my final.

Talked to Sarah about Jason- he's a giver ;-) She's rather smitten and I'm rather smitten that she is rather smitten.

Went to the library where a nerdy douche was taking up all 4 outlets on the only private study desk area outlet. Anger. The 3 laptop owners looked on with puppy dog eyes and cords in hand as we tried again and again to figure out a way to McGruber a way to fashion the plugs so we all could share...to no avail. Since I couldn't play on the internets, I decided to actually read for my Women of Color and Social Activism class. Today's reading floored me. Here is the book:
Ali, a former Muslim, goes against every conference, session, lecture, program, and event that I planned/attended as a Resident Adviser as well as many of the moral generalizations that have been a product of various Women's Studies classes that teach how the West should not expand it's cultural colonialism into other countries and the damaging affects of ethnocentrism. Ali argues many intriguing points, one being that in order to change Islam, the understanding of sexuality within the religion needs to change. That is just one glimmer of the many excellent, insightful, and intriguing arguments she makes. I may not always agree with what she is saying, as I find that she makes a number of over generalizations, but she brings up undeniable observations that are interesting to ponder. An extremely important book for Islamic Feminists to read.

Walked home in the beautiful Spring rain from class which I can only now appreciate as I sit in my warm and dry living room with Ghost Hunters- the Tombstone episode playing in the background. I hadn't eaten at all today up till that point so I was famished I quickly popped Kroger's Spaghetti O's into the microwave

Kroger Rings- 360 Calories with Tea-0 cals
Thurman Burger: 3/4lb patty, topped with ham, bacon, sauteed onions, pickles, lettuce, tomato, peppers, mushrooms, mayo, provolone cheese, cheddar cheese, and barbeque sauce, with chips, ...as one man put it "I cant even begin to calculate the calories, best guess, at least 2500"

So I had a total of around 2800 calories today...none of it particularly healthy. I couldn't get a picture of it myself but google images came up with one nearly identical
Wow. That is in my belly.

CAN.NOT.SLEEP.

2009-05-13T03:28:00.004-04:00

If it isn't my cough or sniffles keeping me up, leave it to my restless mind to distance me from dreamland. Although anyone who reads this will find it incredibly boring, I'm going to try to exhaust all the rumblings in my head by writing down what all I have to do before Friday.

To Do List
E-mail/talk to Poli Sci Professor W. about midterm
Email/talk to Women's Studies Prof. W
Withdraw from 575
Write 2 papers for W.S. Prof W.
Call Dr. Clark and have them fax over a note to Carole
Find Carole's card w/ phone and fax on it
Job Hunt/ Apply to Gateway area.
Return Library Books
Women's Health: Write up project proposal
Women's Health: Outside Offering
Women's Health: Film Review
Read for classes.
W.S. Prof W- send in question.
Get prescription located to local pharmacy
Call Credit Card company about random phone call
Reschedule Nutritionist Appointment
E-mail Alice, Kara, and Laura about arranging a get together
Call KC & get book back
Come up with new class to take for Autumn 09 since Poli Sci was canceled
Bring resume to career services to look over
Start looking for non-profit jobs for Winter '10 graduation
Drop by Robin's office to chat
GET BETTER
Email 575 Prof & explain situation
Call about testing
Call about psych.
Talk to Jon about May 23- Trevor's B-day
Talk to Praveen about working out
Clear out Voicemail and gmail
Call about left over imitrex meds- paid but did not pick up
Clean Room
Prepare for Friday meeting with WS Prof W class Presentation with Sam, Rachel, and...Rebecca.
Organize folders and notes
Catch up on readings
Call Gayla when feeling better
Call about contacts- did I pay for them already?
Get proper paperwork so fin aid will not be taken away when reached additional 30 hours
....

I know I'm missing some items but that's a pretty darn long list there!
...
I want a cat. One that I can walk outside on a leash. Unfortunately, the apartment I live in has a no pets policy. Ugh.
....

Birthday Wish List...

2009-05-13T01:32:00.009-04:00

23rd Birthday Wish List

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

( A Canon Rebel XS 10.1MP Digital SLR Camera with EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 IS Lens) ...drool...

5.
I worry about how much I love and identify with this show.

6. Get necklace and bracelet from Jon repaired.

oh yeah... and a car. And a job. And direction for my life.

But more importantly I need to buy groceries, pay rent, and pay credit card...ogyle. Nice to dream though :-)

What began as whining, Turned into an Ode to Biggest Loser...

2009-05-12T23:39:00.013-04:00

Still Sick :-( My night turned into a routine of rushing to put a pot of water on the stove, pee, run back, prepare a cup of tea (Lemon, Earl Grey, and finally Grumpy Bear flavored), and get back to the futon with Jon to catch The Biggest Loser Finale. I may be taking my attempt to "flush" out my cold a little too seriously. For the first time in weeks, I want to work on homework but my attention span lasts just about as long as it takes between my sniffles-which isn't long.
For an after dinner snack, I cut up 4 apples and grabbed a jar of peanut butter only to be reminded in a loving, implicit way that although the apples were healthy, the peanut butter ....eeeeehhhh... not so much. Earlier this month, Renee had to remind me, while I was bragging about my healthy snacking, that carrots dipped in ranch were only a vehicle to get to the ranch. Anyway- props to me for thinking of apples before chips. 1 step at a time, right?
My nose is red from using toilet paper as tissues. I wish that we had something comparable to lip gloss for the nose- I purpose a nose gloss to help when the ol' honker is raw, sun burnt, or other sorts of troublesome situations for a nose.
Biggest Loser Tuesdays are an inspiration; a treasure (even with it's hilarious and obvious product endorsements). My relationship with food has been a complicated one at best. Watching others dripping with sweat, reaching further within themselves to run longer on a treadmill, go faster in repetitions, etc...how can one not be inspired? I spent much of my quarter off, finding cute, adorable, fun vintage dresses (as I swore off shorts in a reaction to buying dreaded jean shorts). I thought after my bunionectomy I would bounce back immediately, exercising everyday and losing a considerable amount of weight by summer. Recovery took longer than expected, classes were overwhelming,...I could go on and on with the excuses but I feel like now is the moment. Numerous Goal dresses are hanging up in the closet, just on the other side of the wall in front of me. Renee and I went bikini shopping 2 months ago. I asked her why she wanted a bikini and not a 1 piece. She said that if she can't wear a bikini at 21, then when? This is what you are supposed to do, how you are supposed to look in your twenties. Not that I agree with prescribing to western standards of beauty but if I'm not happy with my weight, I owe it to myself to fix my lifestyle so it portrays the life I want.

Make decisions based not on who you are but who you want to be.

Anyways- Before my cold, I was doing rather well. I visited the gym at least once a day and worked out from Wednesday to Saturday. Made it to two different Yoga classes as well :-)

Random Notes from watching DVRed Biggest Loser episodes:
Try Jennie-O products(?)-supposed to be good and low cal.
Do a Marathon within 1 year
Jillian suggests instead of mashed potatoes to try mashed cauliflower... I'm suspicious... :holds bowl of mashed taters close to heart and growls: I am intrigued...

Enough of this silliness.

Background

2009-05-12T15:24:00.000-04:00

Quixsa~Female form of Don Quixote known for
Quixotism -engaging in foolish pursuit of ideals ; especially those ideals manifested by rash, lofty and romantic ideas; or extravagantly chivalrous action. Meaning an idealism that doesn't take consequence or absurdity into account. It is also related to naïve romanticism and to utopianism...

Also- it was the name of my childhood pet but I find the meaning behind the inspired naming (creative Mom, I know!) strangely fitting.

2009-05-12T01:37:00.000-04:00

I have a xanga for weight loss, a freeopendiary for my private life, and an assortment of other on-line journals that I have tried to dedicate myself to again and again. How does one not compartmentalize their life into various logs? I find it difficult to incorporate one's entire life into one journal- would it be too honest? Too conflicted without a definite, limited purpose...